all this time, life has been very magical for me. magical in the sense that things happen not because i willed them so, but they happen just as they should happen. for the longest time, my junior year affirmed this reality that sometimes, one need not plan, impose or be rigid about things, because the unexpected, yet the best will come. by saying that something it is the best would not mean that it is always a good, more often than not, the best are those bad things, failures and falls that we experience in life which destroys our pride and reforms our character where we find more meaning and value.
i would like to be blatant in saying that my junior year was stormy. yes it was. i really regret about a lot of things this year while i am moved and shaken inside. phrases like "i wish i did" or "i wish i did not" would populate my mind whenever i think about the year that was. which really makes me sad. probably, it is not so apparent to other people because i am good at hiding my feelings. i am just bothered by the way the busy schedule, so much responsibilities, high expectations from people and the character of people whom i wok with shaped, destroyed and strengthened my character. i mean, it was a painful process. i never thought that these things, although part of life, would cause so much heartache, pain and anxiety to me. all the while, i thought that life would go normally having experienced these same things in the past. nevertheless, these same things also caused a lot of good things to come my way in my third year...
although my junior year was really challenging, i should still say that it allowed me to have a glimpse of eternity. probably, the experiences of pain, desperation and failures are instrumental for me to realize and experience the more encompassing and the more essential things in life. first, my third year experience allowed me to know the REAL people that i should value in my life. my family, best friends, some colleagues and mentors are among them. i mean, they nurtured and challenged me in my journey and with that, i should thank them. second, the experienced allowed me to realize once and for all my limitations and weakness as a person. it is painful and liberating at the same time whenever you know that this is who you are. knowing yourself, your limitations and weakness makes you humble and above all it reminds you of the truth that hey miko, these are not yours... it was just loaned to you. but really, i am happy that i have failed, experienced rejection, doubts and confusions in the past school year because through them i saw the authenticity of things and the reality that i cannot do it all alone. the experience allowed me to succumb into the fact that i am only michael casas. that i am in no position to be boastful about anything, i have no right to be proud of myself and i have no right to show off anything because all these came from my God. this leads me to my final realization that life is not all about me, but it is more about God... it is how his name is worshiped, praised and lifted.
aside from the learning experiences, i should also say that my third year is a memorable year for some other things. well, my love life flourished that year. i felt mature about it and as of now, i am more careful about wishing for relationships because i don't want to hurt people just as i don't want to be hurt by them. yes, loving, admiring or liking someone is part of growing up and tell you it is a very nice experience. moreover, the experiences of admiring someone has become a big part of my third year days and i should admit it helped me go on with the stormy junior life. however, it also taught me lessons, it made me more mature and it helped me realized that love is not something which i should be anxious about. it should not pressure me. seeing sweet couples somewhere should not move me to hasten the process of finding my future partner. i feel so affected about this issue, because really, the aspect of loving and being loves especially in the past year formed my person. siguro masasabi kong masyadong mataas ang standard ko, or better said, gusto ko magkaroon ng ideal, perfect and happy relationship. i mean i want to fall in love with a girl, get to know her more, before i make the appropriate move. i have learned from my previous relationships. i am thankful and i feel blessed about them. and honestly i will treasure them. but i have to move on so i could grow.
i think this would be the last time that i would talk about this... unless someone, and i pray the right one, would come too soon...
moreover, my junior year helped me go back in a way to my favorite hobby- singing. yes i love singing and i think i could sing fairly din naman... i really love music. if you give me CDs of relaxing songs, reflective music, love songs, senti songs, celtic woman, josh groabn, air supply then i will surely love you. hahaha... i just love music... i find healing in it and i find rest in it as well. for me music is the language of the soul. it moves the spirit to action for it is alive. music is alive and it invigorates a dead spirit. and experience has revealed to me that it is one way i recover from pain and failures... i simply love music... but wait, i consider the sounds in nature as the best music. the chirping of the birds, the sound of the waves and the whispers of the wind gives me the assurance and affirmation that God is the originator and the true God of music.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
above all these things, i still find myself victorious despite the fall. i think the fall became sweeter because it revealed a gem which i never imagined that would be in my hands... and for that, i am thankful to the Lord, for all these experiences... for all these love... for all the gifts... for everything :)
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